Blog

Blog on the caregiver journey featuring my own story and tips for thriving during challenging times

When Help Abandons You

Help for The Youngest in this situation: I have been caring for my elderly father who is in a nursing home, somehow, for over five years. It started with three more family members helping out but now I am basically the only one. It gets harder and harder. I am only 37 years-old and the youngest of my family. For the past three months, I have done nothing but visit him and work. It has begun to conflict with my personal interests. I can’t go anywhere for long periods of time; my peace of mind has long been gone. I think I need some help. 

What do I do when I will and my sibling won’t?

How much is too much to ask of another person to help with caregiving? To be healthy, each of us must set our own boundaries. No one wants to be diminished, ignored or trampled over. On the other hand, all relationships involve give and take, so whatever my expectations are does not mean you must meet them. It’s only through clear communication, updated over time for new life happenings, that we can maintain positive, mutually beneficial relationships. Creating clarity will improve willingness to participate within recognized/stated boundaries.

Carpooling Caregiving – Creating a Carepool

Carpooling Caregiving – Creating a Carepool

The thought occurs to me that we should employ a carpool collaborative effort in our caregiving responsibilities. Why not? What do you think? Could you use some extra time for yourself to, I don’t know, wash your hair? Go for a walk? See a movie? Grab a coffee/tea/cocktail with a friend? Make your list of everything you do and everywhere you go and then reach out to your community, local organizations, friends, and family. Creating opportunities to “carepool” your care duties can reduce your stress and lessen caregiving overwhelm. In the process, you’ll recognize that you are not alone and might find someone with whom you can share stories, commiserate when down, and celebrate when uplifted.

Building Your Village to Caregive With More Ease

Building Your Village to Caregive With More Ease

If we need a village to raise our children, don’t we also need a village to care for our aging and ill? I couldn’t have helped my mother care for my dad with Alzheimer’s disease if I didn’t create a village. From the paid professionals (lawyer, doctors, financial advisor, home health aides, hospice) and providers of products and tech (medical rentals, house security and cameras, large screen tablets, fall detection systems, medical and senior transport, sanitary and urinary products), to my siblings, friends, and support groups, I needed logistical and educational help to get me through.
I sought out assistance to help with tasks. Asked for guidance, attended classes and events, became a certified home health aide, and read tons of information on the web and in books, about things I knew little. For things I didn’t need to do in-person, I recruited my siblings to help remotely.I encourage you to create your own village and enjoy the feeling of being buoyed by others and the knowledge that you are not alone. Find your joy in some place as often as possible. Once you have these things, caregiving will take on a whole different energetic feeling.

Should I Visit Family Out of Town When I’m Supposed to Be Caregiving for My Spouse?

Taking time to enjoy your family when your spouse is unable to can give both of you a lift. Your spouse won’t feel like they are tying you down and inhibiting your life and you bring energy and vibrancy in the sharing of stories and bringing messages. Enjoying the good in life will keep you healthy enough to continue caring for your loved one.

20 Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents

Family trivia and game time can generate memories and historical context for future generations to recall and revisit. Keeping our loved one’s brains sharp is the more scientific reason for spending time asking questions.

When Help Abandons You

Help for The Youngest in this situation: I have been caring for my elderly father who is in a nursing home, somehow, for over five years. It started with three more family members helping out but now I am basically the only one. It gets harder and harder. I am only 37 years-old and the youngest of my family. For the past three months, I have done nothing but visit him and work. It has begun to conflict with my personal interests. I can’t go anywhere for long periods of time; my peace of mind has long been gone. I think I need some help.