When I left Florida after selling my mother’s condo and moving mom to New York, I went to North Carolina in November 2022. My friend and client, Denise, offered me her mother’s empty en-suite to stay in while I get back on my feet. We had some projects to work on together. It made sense. Denise and I have been working on a new book for her as I write my own books to support my fellow caregivers.
I realized that I wasn’t ready to jump into new home ownership or even deal with a rental and didn’t really want to live alone, but also didn’t want to live with someone. That’s tough to manage. It’s like saying I want to eat the ice cream cone, but I don’t want it quite yet, while it’s dripping down your hand. So I jumped in.
Here’s what I found… you don’t have to isolate yourself to make space for your “me” time. You don’t have to forsake all the people that want to help you, just to feel independent. You don’t have to stay where you are, just because you’ve been there for a long time. These were revelations for me. I felt a freedom I hadn’t felt for a very, very long time. And once I decided to be open with my mother about why I was so angry with her, dealing with pent up stuff, I felt like I could fly again!
My journals led me to realize that getting over grief was not a finite thing with a beginning, middle and end. It’s okay for me to grieve my dad and still feel happy to be on my own. It’s okay to take care of my eye cancer and let my siblings pick up the caregiving mantle and keep a watch on my mother. It’s okay for me to take some time to get back into a joyful place for myself. I AM ENOUGH! This phrase screamed into my head one night. It was then repeated in soothing voice by a guided meditation leader I was listening to as an instruction to say to self. It was echoed by my caregiving support group. And when a financial coach made me say it aloud, I cried. It was that painful. I had that much dis-ease with myself that I couldn’t say it and believe it. But I repeated it. I wrote it. I put it on my mirror. I made it my mantra. Now I proudly say, I AM ENOUGH!
If I am enough, then so are you. We are on this journey, this walk on earth in human bodies, collectively. We are enough just by simply being. But others put on us their expectations. WE put on us imagined expectations. Or is that just me?
My mother admitted that she saw I was a good caregiver, naturally nurturing, and at 2 years old (she told me), I became the caregiver for my new baby brother. At four, I added on caregiving for new sister. And I’ve been caregiving ever since. If not for my family, then clients, friends, animals, neighbors, the environment, and other living beings in my path over the years.
#Iamenough. I don’t have to do anything magical to be enough. #Iamworthy of achieving whatever I dream.
Say it aloud right now to yourself: “I. Am. Worthy!” “I. Am. Enough!” Repeat these to yourself. Often. Let me know if you start to feel differently about your now and your future. If you feel as #elevated as I do, enjoy it. If you’re not there yet… you’ll get there. It takes time, but it’s worth it!!